Staying Focused in Conversations - NLP Article
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The following post was written in 1998 about someone who described being so involved in their own internal and external dialogue that other people simply faded away -- and this prevented them being able to sustain any calibration efforts towards other people in conversation.
I know someone who did something similar, who asked me to help with this in normal conversation! So I paid close attention to him and I found that his accesses were turning straight into dreamland. I didn't know what I'd do that would work, so I just started playing. I'd wait until he had finished accessing, and then started talking, then I'd reach out with my hand(s) into his access space and draw his eyes right back to center (towards me).
At first it was an interrupt he got amused/annoyed at concurrently, so he'd lose his place because he was laughing a little. After the laughter subsided, and my interrupts continued through the conversation we were having, we both found he was able to sensitize himself to the interrupt that was more internal than external. He let his eyes come back to center after they'd been "captured" by my nonverbal interrupt, but he'd keep talking (as I'd asked him to do). And upon reconnecting with my eyes, he found he was more responsive to MY reactions to what he was saying.
After we had that down, I suggested he WAIT to speak, until after he'd regained eye contact with me. That was a little difficult at first, but he made fast progress (and really enjoyed the process of gaining more understanding of his own processes and how he COULD adjust them with only a little bit of work).
I saw my friend 2 weeks later, & he'd reverted ROUGHLY halfway back to his prior behavior but had NOT gone back to his previous level of disconnection. Even so, he said people were responding to him very differently. So, a couple of additional minutes with those interrupts and he was re-engaged in the conversation consistently! So we future-paced it, and then meta-future-paced it, and laughed like crazy the whole time.
Such simple adjustments, such profound changes!
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Consistently, Jonathan delivers what he promises, and he will go out of his way to deliver special pieces that you ask for. For me, S.I. delivered! There were a ton of learnings. Not only the explicit materials Jon presented but while he was layering knowledge into us (& unveiling the layering bit by bit) and moving us up the learning curves. Light bulbs from the huge array of other skills, other seminars I’ve gathered just kept popping off all the time. I got to connect a lot of stuff I learned elsewhere. It was fantastic! Headlines, State chaining, Anchoring, Embedded commands, Binders, etc. are a breeze. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll want a lot of practice to get better. But I have zero hesitation about going out there everyday, creating or just waiting for the opportunity to use these skills. And if I hesitate a little, then I know, there is going to be another opportunity any moment where I’m going to naturally, use pieces of what I was taught. And if for any reason I found myself hestitating in the future for some reason, I can use all the skills I’ve learned to state chain myself, easily and effortlessly. Just yesterday, 2 days after our seminar, I was on a job interview, and w/o thinking I started to use some of what I learned. It was so easy. And if I want that, it’s mine. If you’ve watched other trainers and wondered how they do what they do so elegantly or not. Take Jonathan’s course, let him show you how to unpack the pieces, and create your own amazing presentations. Jon’s course is great for any skill level, from Master Prac, Trainer to knowing nothing. One of the guys in S.I. had never taken a single NLP class before. Either he was an amazing natural or another testament to Jon’s teaching skill because he was able to handle all the learnings and exercises really, really well and keep up pretty well w/ the rest of us who knew a lot more NLP.
2007 - Michael LovasConsultant, Author, Speaker, About People, Spokane, WAAttended Course : Speaking Ingeniously
"With considerable experience giving keynotes, I thought I was very good on stage. The new skills & confidence that Jonathan has guided into my mind make my previous level of professionalism pale and insignificant by comparison. This class is the best preparation for public speaking that I have ever seen, heard of, or experienced."
http://www.aboutpeople.com/2002 - Silke ScheidereiterGermanyAttended Course : NLP Skills-Builders (course)
Great, great, great! Thank you so much for helping me to find out more about what I've already been doing well, unconsciously! This was exactly what I needed to take my NLP skills "out there" and to the next level... and beyond! And thank you for opening up a whole new world full of miracles & adventure. Now I'm ready to explore! My main goal in this seminar was to find a way to integrate NLP more into my day-to-day life. In the past I sometimes got frustrated because I felt that I learned something very valuable and never got around to using it - at least not in a way I could verify to myself. It was as if a connection was missing between what I knew theoretically and what I actually DID. That's changed! Not only am I now using my NLP™ skills... I can't even turn it off anymore!! I've become an active player in this game - and I love it! Just the other day I got a glimpse of what really effective communication feels like. I had an appointment with a guy who definetely was in a less-than-positive state and who had no intention of giving me what I wanted -- and I got my way!! I was in the right state, alert, got my language spot on (...did I tell you that I love sleight of mouth?), had the tonality right, paced and then led led led led him to feeling great about my demands... WOW... talking about flow!!! Thank you, Jonathan, for sharing your knowledge! And thank you for blowing my limiting beliefs apart once more...!
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Jonathan's skill builders DVDs are incredible. Learn about building hypnotic rapport by pacing and leading others breathing patterns. I synchronized my breathing with several attractive women at coffee shops and malls in the last month. Each turned their bodies toward me while I sat across a room. They gazed at me for several seconds. I felt that I connected with them on an unconscious level. I later spoke with them and were amazed at their friendliness to a complete stranger.
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1998 - Robert BradfordAuthor & CEO, CSSP, Ann Arbor, MIHired Training : Bespoke In-house Training
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http://cssp.com - Michael S.NLP Master Prac & Success Coach, Portland, ORBought Audio : Automatic Yes CD-set
I have ordered Jonathan's programs before and had VERY high expectations for this program… as with his other programs, Jonathan, *yet again*, delivers not only through his insight into how the mind works, but through the exercises that put you into *immediate action*. I found myself, as I was listening, being able to notice how my own states link together and how I had gotten stuck in the past. I feel like Jonathan has handed me the keys to move beyond where I had been -- by noticing how to sequence your communication to get results. It's incredibly easy when you know how to do it. And Jonathan has the know-how and experience to be able to teach the topics that other trainers won't touch. Because if you're like me, you may have taken practitioner and master practitioner courses… maybe from VERY well known trainers… and have yet to see a trainer who directly approaches the topic of state-chaining. What puts "Creating the Automatic YES" and Jonathan's other audio programs ahead of the pack is that he gives you exercises to do throughout the program and he has the knowledge and experience so the skills will be ingrained not only your mind but in your body where they NEED to be to get results -- easily. I have found myself noticing which state people are in as I'm talking to them and where to take them to get outcomes easily. My own confidence as a coach has grown considerably in my ability to influence my own state in VERY useful directions through listening to this audio program… that alone was worth the cost of admission. If *you're interested* in another rigorous, intellectual NLP experience… BAD NEWS… But by doing the exercises Jonathan suggests (or was it demands?), you're in for a real treat by ordering this program! My highest recommendation - THANK YOU!!
2009 - Paul SimsPersonal and Business Coach, Nottingham, UKBought Audio : Finding Your Irresistible Voice
So, an 'irresistible voice,' hey? Sounds good, and so will your voice, if you listen to, and more importantly, do the exercises on this set. Over the course of the CD's Jonathan Altfeld takes the listener through a series of precise, progressive exercises, focusing on various aspects of the human voice from how to use your mouth, tone, rhythm, using tonality, and how to use breathing effectively when speaking. Simple exercises, powerful results. It's a great set, and I found that by using the CD's and practising with the exercises, I was able to generate a voice that not only sounded nice, it felt nice as well. Not only do I sound more melodious, more rhythmic, and that people seem to want to listen to me more, but I'm more aware of a different internal state. By focusing on developing my voice, I have become aware of a more persuasive state, where there's less mental chatter and more eloquent, persuasive verbal delivery. By concentrating on developing the physiology of an irresistible voice, you can also develop a state of powerful persuasion, which is a very big bonus!
2003 - Steven KenyonTrainer, Network Consultant, Manteca, CABought Audio : Finding Your Irresistible Voice
I'm a technical trainer who frequently teaches MCSE bootcamps. What that means is I take a group of 10 to 20 people and cram 6 months of learning into 1 or 2 weeks. This is an exercise for me as an instructor since it is 12 hour days, but with only 14 days to pass 7 tests, it's grueling for my students. Before I listened to your CD's, there were times when it seemed like no matter how much the students wanted to learn, they could only absorb so much in a day. About 8 hours into the second day most of my students would start to gaze over completely and frequent breaks were needed. Too frequent in my opinion (sometimes it's hard to get them to come back in and get going). With the proper use of your Dual Tone Voice & Modulation techniques, I found that my students could be completely captivated, even late into the last day! This program should be mandatory listening for teachers and trainers in any industry. Thank you for such an awesome program!
2003 - Claudio SennhauserDemo Coach and Author of "Giving Memorable Product Demos", ThailandBought Audio : Finding Your Irresistible Voice
Your 'Finding Your Irresistible Voice' 2-CD set [...] really gives me the tools & knowledge to IMPROVE my voice... no matter what level. Just learning about how to develop a dual-tone voice is worth the money for the whole set! I especially like your dynamic presentation of the material - your good mood really comes through.... A definite must in the library of any NLP student!
http://sennhauser.com/2002